This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T: (Thank you, cartoonist Rex May)
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
The White House reacted swiftly to the outbreak of shootings in big cities over Independence Day weekend. The Justice Department is re-thinking its opposition to capital punishment. The death penalty's still in effect, they're just replacing federal executions with bus tickets to Chicago.
President Biden flew to Chicago to meet with Mayor Lori Lightfoot about the gang shootings that are ripping apart the Windy City. The president's motorcade down Michigan Avenue was awe inspiring. Chicago schools teach that in America, every kid can grow up to ride in a bulletproof limo.
President Biden in Chicago Wednesday blamed the epidemic of gang shooting in big cities on automatic pistols and rifles gangs don't even use. It's odd to blame Chicago on lawful NRA gun owners. Gun violence would drop by ninety percent if Democrats would just stop shooting each other.
GOP Congressman and former White House doctor Ronny Jackson demanded that President Biden take a cognitive awareness test. The public isn't far behind. A poll released Monday says 56% of Americans don't think Joe Biden is all there, and 44% say that's what they love about the guy.
Havana erupted suddenly in protests last weekend as Cuban citizens marched down the streets demanding that the socialist government of Cuba grant them freedom. The street protestors in Havana were carrying American flags, and for good reason. They want to be as free as we used to be.
The CDC fingered Branson, Missouri, as a prime incubator and spreader of the Delta variant due to the low vaccination rates in the Ozarks. The yawn could be heard from coast to coast. Hysteria gripped the cable news world Sunday as the Delta variant death toll soared from zero to zero.
North Korea's Kim Jung Un and China's President Xi marked the sixtieth anniversary of their mutual defense treaty. Kim needs help fast. Last week he sentenced a few high school teachers to political re-education camps after Kim caught them teaching starving students Critical Rice Theory.
The Hollywood Reporter said foreign language films shot in Asia are doing a huge box office with the pandemic abating. Luckily for us, cable movie channels now show films from all over the world. Last night I enjoyed seeing the Taliban romantic comedy, Four Beheadings and a Funeral.
The National Education Association teachers' union doubled down against parent protests last week and vowed to teach Critical Race Theory in classrooms. Kids may need a mask after all. New evidence indicates that Critical Race Theory escaped from a lab in a College Humanities department.
GOP House members demanded President Biden take a cognitive test. He's always followed by a Secret Service agent who carries the briefcase with the nuclear codes. Every day, Biden has to remember, in case of an attack, which button is for the Life Alert and which button is for the nukes.
AAA confirmed reported that gas prices are the highest in twelve years. This on top of lumber prices that quadrupled, record urban street shootings and illegal aliens pouring across the border. If that's not enough, the U.S. is now facing a shortage of conspiracy theories, as all of them have come true.
The UC and Cal State college system dropped the SAT and ACT as enrollment criteria for the fall semester. They will replace it with essay questions, essay questions like this one. If you take one hundred-sixty genders and divide it by white supremacy, how much climate change do you have?
Britney Spears' new conservator said Britney's father spent two million of Britney's money to try to remain her conservator. A judge has ruled Britney is not mentally competent to be a rock star. If she flunks one more cognitive evaluation, she could be the next President of the United States.
The NCAA agreed to comply with court orders allowing college athletes to make ad money off their presence on social media. I can believe that courts would allow college athletes to profit from their social media following. What I cannot believe is that colleges would allow capitalism on campus.
The Toledo Blade reported the city's George Floyd Memorial was completely destroyed during a thunderstorm Tuesday night by a lightning strike. The White House is calling it a hate crime. President Biden immediately ordered the Justice Department to issue a warrant for the arrest of God.
Front Porch Punditry
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Mon Jul 26, 2021 4:10 am
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Front Porch Punditry
