"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern." ~ Craig Kilborn

"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." ~ Jay Leno

"In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air.'" No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said. ~ David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family." ~ David Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington . People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same." ~ Jay Leno

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." ~ Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible - the one with only 7 commandments." ~ David Letterman