James "Jim" Whitey, the head gardener at the White House, was dismissed today after 31 years of loyal service to scores of US Presidents and First Ladies.

In an exclusive interview outside the back gate of the Presidential Residence, the 64-year old Mr. Whitey, proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing.

"It all happened so fast. I'm still in a daze," said the bewildered Whitey.

"All I know is, I was getting ready to weed the rose bed outside the Oval Office window like I do every week.”

I called out to my assistants, “‘Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?’ and the next thing I knew, the Secret Service was hauling my ass off the property.”