#1 Today's Toons 2/11/19 by pookie18 11.02.2019 06:22


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

President Trump will be interviewed by CBS during the Super Bowl today. It'll be a nice break from politics. He'll say that the offensive line is a wall that protects the quarterback from being overrun by criminals from the other side of the line of scrimmage, and America should have one, too.

The Weather Channel cited sixty degrees below-zero wind chill in Minnesota Thursday as the Polar Vortex turned the Upper Midwest into an icebox. Cities adapt differently. In Los Angeles, the warning that an ICE storm is coming just means a lot of families revert to their secret door knock.

The National Weather Service reports the Polar Vortex drifted east Friday, freezing the Eastern Seaboard. It's hard to believe, but it's so cold in the nation even Congress could reach a new record low. It's so cold in Washington D.C. today that Elizabeth Warren is pretending to be an Eskimo.

House freshman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez co-sponsored a Green New Deal bill with Senator Markey. It would massively increase taxation to address environmental issues. If the bill comes anywhere near close to passage, Democrats may approve Trump's wall to keep all the billionaires IN.

Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks, is hinting broadly in TV interviews that he will run for President of the United States as an Independent. There's no limit to what a man with his expertise can accomplish. We'll wind up with a White House on every other street corner in America.

The National Geographic reported America's three million Muslims are thriving economically despite cultural differences. Last week, I met a Muslim street vendor who had the entire Koran on a single DVD, and I was so impressed I asked him to burn me a copy. That's when the trouble started.

Democratic Senator Cory Booker announced he's running for president at a rally in Newark. What's one prospect more at this point? I predict the first Democratic debate will have so many presidential candidates, the debate stage will be so long it could double as the U.S. border wall.

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam refused to resign after blackface photos surfaced from his college yearbook. He's not alone. On Sunday night I confronted my brother-in-law about thirty-year-old photos of him and a dozen of his buddies in blackface but apparently Navy SEALS get a pass.

The New England Patriots won another Super Bowl Sunday defeating the Los Angeles Rams 13-3. The media hates that the Patriots owner and quarterback are Trump supporters. Maybe that's why CNN is reporting that Democrats just found eleven extra points for the Rams in Broward County.

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam refused calls to resign Monday over the blackface photo on his yearbook page. It's ironic. Ralph Northam did admit that in 1984 he blackened his face to try to look like Michael Jackson, the same year Michael Jackson whitened his face to look like Ralph Northam.

The Super Bowl telecast was hampered Sunday by low scoring and message ads. Commercials lectured us on civil rights, girl power, wind power, objectifying mermaids in the Me-Too era and the infallibility of the press. People who sat through the entire game ended the day with ten college credits.

Virginia Governor Northam's past racist photos came to light Saturday a day before his black Lt. Governor was accused of past sexual assault. Black History month is off to a roaring start in Virginia. Sesame Street reported Monday that today's news is brought to you by the letters W T and F.

Virginia erupted over a blackface photo on Governor Northam's college yearbook page. Big deal, that's how Special Forces make themselves up when they go hunting terrorists. In Osama bin Laden's last words on earth, he told SEAL Team Six he's going to tell on them for being in blackface.

President Trump gave his State of the Union speech to a joint session of Congress last night in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol. Sitting behind him on the stage was Vice President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. As of Monday night, my prediction for the State of the Union was that Trump would see Pelosi's shadow, signaling six more years of frozen deadlock.

-- Argus Hamilton

(Thank you, Rev)

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