#1 Today's Toons 10/29/18 by pookie18 29.10.2018 06:57


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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

King Salman denied complicity in the killing and dismemberment of a reporter at his embassy in Turkey. Social media went through the roof. Facebook issued a warning Thursday stating that if you get a friend request from the King of Saudi Arabia, don't accept it or you WILL get hacked.

Al Gore took the podium at the Climate Conference in San Francisco and declared that we are facing a global emergency and must act immediately. He sounded anxious. Al Gore warned that the world faces a certain catastrophe if we don't spend billions of dollars on his books and documentaries.

House Republicans agreed to spare scientific research from the budget cutting block after a startling new discovery drew national attention. Microbiologists say they just identified the one helix of Indian blood found in Elizabeth Warren's DNA. They're calling it Custer's Last Strand.

A Toronto school board urged English teachers to take To Kill a Mockingbird off its student reading list saying it's racist. It used to be regarded as literature. However, today the book's images of interracial rape, vile rednecks and use of the N-word nineteen times make it a perfect Hip Hop single.

The Mega-Millions Lottery drawing had the nation transfixed Tuesday with its record jackpot amount into the nine figures. Not everyone's happy. Angry Democrats say that the billion-and a-half-dollar jackpot prize is a dirty trick before the midterms designed to create one more Republican.

Senator Elizabeth Warren declared Saturday she took the DNA test to restore people's faith in government. The one-one thousandth Indian blood they found in her DNA wasn't even Native Indian. But you can tell by the new red dot on Liz's forehead she's not going to give up without a fight.

Senator Elizabeth Warren aired an ad saying her DNA proves she's Native American, but an analysis of the percentage shows her to be one-one-thousandth percent Indian. Fellow Senator Cory Booker also got great news. His DNA came back and he's one-one-thousand percent Spartacus.

Elizabeth Warren enlisted professors to vouch that her DNA test proved her Native American claim in her TV ad Monday. The evidence that she's Indian is really weak. Elizabeth produced an old receipt showing that many years ago she sold her Manhattan apartment for twenty-four dollars.

Rosie O'Donnell called for the U.S. military to storm the White House and overthrow President Trump saying he's intolerable. These rants remind of what I like about Meghan Markle. She was the only Hollywood celebrity to keep her promise to move to another country if Trump got elected.

USA Today said lottery fever was epidemic Tuesday over the billion-and-a-half dollars Mega Millions jackpot. The odds of one in three hundred and two million of winning are the longest lottery odds in American history. You have better odds of being Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee ancestor.

The FBI is backtracking package bombs mailed to Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and CNN Tuesday. The postal centers detected and seized them. The fact that none of the bombs went off is an indictment of our education system and proof of what we lost when shop classes were taken away.

-- Argus Hamilton

(Thank you, Rev)

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