#1 Today's Toons 1/16/17 by pookie18 16.01.2017 06:26


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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Prince Harry declared that it's our duty to protect endangered species as a test that God gives to humanity. Our republic just hasn't worked out. Having lost the House and the Senate and the White House, the Democrats are pretty much down to requiring Royal protection to avoid extinction.

The New York Post says Trump's election is turning liberals into conservatives. Think about it. Suddenly liberals are demanding checks and balances on presidential powers, with California's secession threats, liberals are now in favor of state's rights, and for the first time ever, Russia is bad.

The CIA gave a report to the White House accusing the Russians of hacking DNC e-mails to embarrass Hillary's campaign. The evidence shows what Putin and the Russians did to influence the U.S. election. They helped the Democrats finally deliver on their promise of complete transparency.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange said Russia didn't give him John Podesta's hacked e-mails but did reveal that Hillary's campaign chief's password was password. That's big news. Forget the Russians, John Podesta's e-mails may have been hacked by Donald Trump's ten year-old son Barron.

The Golden Globe Awards had Meryl Streep giving a public lecture to Donald Trump about his plan to halt illegal immigration with a wall. She neglected to mention that to rent an apartment in Hollywood costs two thousand dollars per month. No illegal immigrant can climb over that and get in.

Meryl Streep declared the British, Australian and Canadian stars at the Golden Globes are as deportable by Trump as illegal aliens. They slip in through the U.S. border at the Beverly Hills Hotel registration desk. William Morris hires coyotes to smuggle them from the valet parking to the studios.

President Obama was in Chicago on Tuesday to deliver his farewell speech to the nation as his second term comes to a close. During the president's speech, he said that he came into office eight years ago believing that what unites Americans is greater than what divides us. Well, we showed him.

President Obama gave his farewell to the nation speech in a heavily guarded arena in Chicago Tuesday but the security wasn't really necessary in the president's adopted hometown. Forget ISIS, the Red Army isn't stupid enough to attack Chicago. They know they would be completely outgunned.

President Obama lectured the American people about race in his Tuesday farewell speech. That's not the hot issue. Right now, Hollywood is nervously waiting for Attorney General nominee Jeff Sessions to testify whether he believes that a vow to move to Canada is an enforceable legal contract.

The Weather Channel warned California homeowners of mudslides as the storms continued all week. During the last El Nino, Clint Eastwood's house beat Steven Spielberg's house to the ocean by five seconds. It's the first time a Republican has won a House race in Los Angeles in twenty years.

Donald Trump forcefully shot down a hoax story Wednesday that he'd hired Russian hookers in a Moscow hotel to perform sex acts on him involving urination. The jokes could last for awhile. The weather forecast is out for Inauguration Day and they say there's zero percent chance of showers.

Democrats cited the FBI Wednesday for not releasing the Donald Trump kinky sex allegations during the campaign, which John McCain gave to the agency. They say it could have changed everything had everyone heard the details. Trump might have carried both California AND New York.

President Obama was reportedly blackballed from a Jewish golf and country club in Maryland after he enters private life due to his administration allowing Israel to be censured in the UN. It's a tough golf course. The God of Golf is the Old Testament God--there are lots of rules and no mercy.

Jeff Sessions was questioned in his confirmation hearing for attorney general about his stance on race, and he was ripped for saying he's sensitive to blacks. The term blacks sounded pejorative to media ears. Seeing he's an Alabama guy in his sixties, the media should enjoy witnessing progress when they can.

Donald Trump faced his first press conference in six months Wednesday at Trump Tower. He wanted to put down the kinky sex rumors circulating about him. Just to be safe, reporters who sat on the front row brought umbrellas when they heard the press conference was a live streaming event.

Meryl Streep was urged by admirers to run for president after her speech ripping Trump at the Golden Globes. Why not? Anyone who can lead a standing ovation for Roman Polanski and then get a standing ovation for calling Trump immoral has, what we call in Los Angeles, good people skills.

President Obama awarded Joe Biden with the Presidential Medal of Freedom Thursday at the White House. It's not enough. For all the ridicule that he took for being the only member of the Obama administration you were allowed to joke about for eight years, Joe deserves the Purple Heart.

The Washington Post published details about the Inaugural at the U.S. Capitol on Friday. The most interesting item is Donald and Melania will sit in the same limo as Barack and Michelle for the drive to the ceremony. And you thought that your ride-share to the airport was uncomfortable.

Donald Trump's nominees for State and Defense got a thorough grilling in the U.S. Senate last week over future U.S. Russian relations. That's understandable. After last week's fake news rattled Capitol Hill, senators aren't so worried about Trump's ties to Russia as they are his leaks with Russia.

Donald Trump survived a Russian fake news story about an alleged golden shower fetish. No one cared. Americans want the stock market up, they want the factories to re-open, they want the border closed, and if the Lincoln Bedroom needs rubber sheets to get that done, they feel it's worth it.

CBS' 60 Minutes tonight will feature a full one hour of interviews between CBS News reporter Steve Kroft and President Obama. He compares well with other presidents. President Nixon was only able to put a man on the moon, but President Obama was able to put a man in the women's bathroom.

The DOJ Inspector General will probe FBI Director James Comey's effect on the presidential election. The Democrats observe four moons every month. They are, It Was Comey's Fault, It Was Russia's Fault, it was Limbaugh's Fault and the Electoral College is a Relic of America's Racist Past.

-- Argus Hamilton

Rumors are circulating that Hillary Clinton could run for mayor of New York City later this year. While Bill could run to be the next "Naked Cowboy" in Times Square.

Hillary and Bill Clinton announced that they are going to attend Donald Trump's inauguration next Friday. Trump was really excited when he heard because they're the first celebrities that said they'll actually go.

Donald and Melania Trump are scheduled to ride with the Obamas to the Capitol on Inauguration Day. And you thought your Uber pool was uncomfortable.

Obama offered to leave behind the swing set that he had installed for his kids so that Trump's grandkids could use it, but Trump turned him down. Trump said he'll be building a bigger, better swing set and he's going to make the kids pay for it.

-- Jimmy Fallon

President Obama today awarded Vice President Joe Biden the Presidential Medal of Freedom With Distinction, which is an honor only three other people have been given over the last 30 years. Then Biden gave Obama his highest honor, double finger guns with a wink.

-- Seth Meyers

Tonight on all the channels President Obama gave his farewell speech. It's the Obama speech that Republicans have been looking forward to.

Obama said while he was preparing the speech, he said "I'm thinking about this as a chance to say thank you for an amazing journey" -- sounds to me like someone's been watching "The Bachelor."

-- Jimmy Kimmel

(Thank you, Rev)

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